The Silence Between the Spaces
by purehalo
Summary: Can Danny save Steve from the horrors that haunt him once he returns after being called back to active service? Or are some things unfixable even for the Jersey Detective?
1. Chapter 1

Aloha everyone! I apologise for the insane time it took me to write this! My muse decided it needed a holiday so packed it's bags and ran away. I hunted it down though, with some help from a former SEAL, a Private Detective Vampire and a transplant Surgeon.

This is from an amazing plot bunny given to me by the lovely Zhalenn. Thank you so much. I hope this lives up to the great idea you passed on.

Disclaimer: They're mine i tell you, MINE! The men in white coats say otherwise BUT I KNOW THE TRUTH!

ps: Sockie1000 - the muse came back, i thank you and your encouragement for that!

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><p>The sun crept across the sky. Its slow moving arc throwing shadows across the land, changing the perception of the day as the hours marched on. <em>Wait here <em>they said, _not far from the point of return_ they'd said. A short walk for a long wait. _Noon_ they said.

They lied.

Birds called in the distance, signalling the approaching of dusk as the lone figure stood in the failing light. His vigil had left his eyes tired and his mind worried. Five hours late. He didn't know enough to know if that was a normal occurrence for these people. Their mouths had spoken the words but their eyes had betrayed their meaning. _These things never run on time. Honestly nothing is wrong, just scheduling issues._

_Something happened, I can't tell you what. You'll have to wait and see. And hope. _

Five hours he'd waited. Five, long and suffocating hours without a hint of apology from the uniformed men that ran here and there. Going about their day as if nothing was happening. He wished it had been the same for him. Just another routine day.

Routine was an antiquity these days.

The coffee he'd bought earlier lapped at the sides of the throwaway cup. It's warmth long gone. It's comfort a façade.

Throwaway.

He laughed but the sound held no humour. The coffee in this place was throwaway, as was their appreciation for life.

He knew that was a lie, but felt the need to follow the false anger anyway.

Certain specialties meant you could be recruited to any team, any division, anywhere. Reserves could be called back to active duty in one phone call. One, seemingly inconspicuous phone call. He'd never entertained the possibility as even being something to worry about. But it had happened. In the blink of an eye everything had changed. It was just the way it was, whenever needed, you went where you were sent.

The explanation sucked. Just like the situation. If you were no longer active they shouldn't have the power to rip you from your life and place you god knows where into the middle of god knows what. Without explanation to your family, both blood and bond.

_It's just the way it is, don't worry about it. I'll be back before you know it._

He laughed again, this time choked on a sob and drank down the cold coffee.

He watched as more uniformed men went about their day. Following orders without hesitation. He envied them. Their absolute devotion to both the work and each other meant they were never alone. Through Five-0 he'd tasted that. He liked it. No matter what there was someone he could call on. Someone he could count on.

Until that someone was summoned away on what he was sure had to have been a fools errand.

He shook off the anger as the thought followed hot on the heals of reason.

A breeze blew across his sun slicked skin. The evening was approaching. Yet there was still no sign. Guess they don't run on normal time. He laughed, looked away as a uniformed man glanced his direction. They all knew what he was waiting for. They all understood the worry and impatience. That should have been a comfort, but he found none. No one should have to wait for news like this. No one should have to wait around, without explanation. Schedules can be disrupted, he'd agree to that. But five hours was four hours disruption too much.

He ran his hand through his hair again. Took a deep breath and pushed himself off of the car. He'd walked this path countless times before. Up to the hanger, around, back past the car up to another hanger, around. Back to leaning against the car.

As the sun began to dip behind the large buildings the other side of the runway, a noise reached his ears. His eyes searched the sky for a sign. In the distance, just beyond the tree lined ridge above the ocean, lights appeared. They were high, but falling fast. He pushed off the car again. Having been fooled once before, three hours prior, he still couldn't tame the beat of his heart to the possibility this may not be the plane approaching with the cargo he so desperately craved.

He stepped forward as the plane lost altitude. A Corporal caught his eye and nodded.

This was the moment he'd been waiting for. Five long hours all came down to these last few minutes. His questions would be answered soon. The extent of the 'injuries' would be apparent in only a few short minutes. The frustration from the lack of information that had been forthcoming could soon be forgotten.

The plane dipped, it's landing gear coming into full view as the pilot manoeuvred to bring his precious cargo home. The roar of the engine was the soundtrack to the reunion. One long month of silence broken by the deafening sound of approaching jubilation or horror. He was about to find out which. As the plane came to a standstill time seemed to stop. No one moved, no one breathed. Everything came down to this moment.

The door latch moved slightly. It was almost as if they were trying to build up the tension on purpose. He stepped further forward, no longer caring for the rules of the runway. If the door wouldn't open then he'd damn well blow it open. His silent threat entered the ether and the door moved again, raised up and out, then pulled back out of view. Stairs were lowered from the small plane. It could have been a two seater for all he cared. As long as the pilot had what he wanted next to him then he didn't care about any other cargo.

A figure leaned into view, shielded his eyes from the strong sunset and looked out. He was medium sized, red headed. Inconsequential to the man waiting impatiently on the tarmac.

The red head made his way slowly down the steps to the safety of the ground beneath. He saluted the uniformed men that came to help him with his bags. He was nobody to the impatient man using all his will power to not run forward and begin a search of the plane himself. Taking another step forward his eyes searched the small windows. He caught a glimpse of a figure making its way toward the exit. A black bag came into view, the hand that held it was strong and tanned. The arm that followed was muscular and tattooed.

Steve squinted across the tarmac, his eyes finding Danny easily. The Detective was practically bouncing on his feet with impatience. Steve smiled, would have waved if he could, and started down the steps.

Danny was temporarily overcome with relief. He'd been told his partner had been injured on the mission, but no one could tell him how bad. His imagination had conjured up everything from a paper cut to injuries worthy of Tom Cruise in Born on the Fourth of July.

Steve looked tired. No, scratch that, he looked absolutely exhausted. His right arm was in a sling, bandages poked out from the sleeve of his T Shirt. His right hand was a mass of white. There were bruises across his face. Old and fading, but still too prominent for Danny's liking. Steve limped slightly as he made his way down the last few steps and toward his waiting friend.

Danny had yet to move. His brain still processing the visual before him while trying to ignore the nightmare his dreams had conjured up.

"Hey. You ok?" Steve tried to gauge his friend's emotional state. He knew Danny had been told he was being sent back due to injuries sustained in the field. That was all the Navy would say to next of kin. As much as Danny had argued that Mary should be next of kin, Steve was glad he'd chose Danny instead. There was no need to worry his sister needlessly. Danny was the one who would decide if Mary needed to know anything. A burden the Detective hadn't been too sure he'd wanted to shoulder.

Steve shook Danny's shoulder when the other man failed to speak. "Danno?"

The familiar nickname jolted him from his thoughts. He blinked, realised it had been too long since he'd done that as his eyes welled slightly. He'd blame the need for moisture, not the overwhelming relief that had stolen his voice.

Danny smiled, gripped Steve's arm and then pulled him into a tight hug.

"Danny, I'm ok."

Danny released his friend and cleared his throat before he spoke. "Yeah? Well you look like shit. They wouldn't tell me anything. Not one damn thing."

"I know, I'm sorry. It's procedure."

"Yeah well, Navy procedure sucks."

Danny looked up at Steve, noted the bags under his friend's eyes, the paleness of his skin and the slight tight set of his mouth. Pain bleached out in every feature.

"You ready to go home?"

Steve paused. His eyes held Danny's. One word had stopped his heart and held his breath. One word he'd never thought he'd hear again. He didn't trust his voice so nodded and allowed the other man to gently lead him toward the car. He was home. He was safe.

He was alive.

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><p><em>The end. <em>

_Muhahaha !_

_Oh come on, you know me better than that, there's plenty of angst still to come!_


	2. Chapter 2

Firstly, i love you guys and your reviews. Secondly, i love you guys and your reviews.

You guys rock.

On with the show...

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><p>The car was silent inside, expect for the gentle hum from the engine and the heavy breathing of the driver. Each exhale expelled tension from his body, allowing it to drift out into the warm space of the interior. The mood had electrified the air within. Every hair on both bodies bristled with the microscopic charge.<p>

The sun dipped beyond the horizon, stealing the day from the night and leaving the land bathed in darkness. The street lamps did their best, but the lack of light from above had thrown a solemn ambiance across what should have been a joyous day.

Steve stole quick glances toward his partner. He knew he was upset, the worry and the lack of information must have been maddening to his friend. But he was home now. He was fine. Ok, well, maybe fine was a stretch. Aside from being banged around a little he was damn lucky to be sitting in a car, heading back toward his home with his friend. A friend he wasn't so sure he'd ever see again. Steve glanced back out the window, the lights from the street rushed past in a dizzying stream of motion. Like water down a fall, they were too fast to focus on. His eyes saw street lights, his mind saw mortars. Explosions of light that rode on the concussion of sound knocking the world flying out from underneath him. Like an earthquake stealing gravity the memory stole his balance. His left arm shot out to grip the dash. Safety in solidity.

The driver turned a concerned head, opened his mouth, then closed it shut tight and concentrated on the road ahead.

The silence in the car lingered on. Danny wanted so very badly to break it, but what could he say? Asking if his friend was alright seemed ridiculous considering the injuries he could see. What if there were ones he couldn't? He shook his head. Shifted in the seat. His mind screamed his question. His body jumped when Steve answered.

"I'm alright you know, Danny."

"You don't look it."

"I'll heal. I was lucky."

"What happened?"

Silence stretched between them as Steve fidgeted with the sling around his arm. Silence the only answer he could give. Danny threw him a look, said so much with so little.

"Forget I asked. You eaten today?"

"No, not yet." Steve smiled, more so out of relief to the change in conversation than to the thought of sustenance.

"How about we grab a pizza and some beers and go back to yours?"

Silence again. Danny waited, not knowing if the lack of a forthcoming answer was a bad sign or not.

"Yeah. Ok. Sounds good." Steve tried to inject some real feeling into his words but knew they came four seconds too late to do any real good. In all honesty he just wanted to crawl into his bed, hide under the covers and wish for the world to melt away. But Danny needed more than that from him. Danny needed reassurance. It was the least Steve could give him.

Even if he would have to fake it.

Danny smiled and nodded as he headed toward the pizza place. The relief he'd felt at seeing Steve walk from the plane had drained away to leave him feeling in shock. The reality of the situation hitting him full force and stealing his voice.

Steve could be dead right now.

Judging from the injuries he was a lucky man to have walked away. Danny's imagination fought with his heart's wish to focus on the fact his friend was home, was safe. Images played out in his mind of battles from both the news stations and movies, both dramatic and horrific. Without solid facts he could only guess as to the situation his partner had found himself in.

Shock. That was the only way Danny could describe how he was feeling right now. Having Steve sat next to him after a month long wait was surreal. A week ago he'd received the phone call. One week.

A lifetime.

"_Hello?" Danny answered his phone while grabbing Grace's bag from the mess on the bed. His daughter was already outside, eager to get home for her riding lesson. A new gift from Stan. A gift Danny couldn't match. Ignoring the bolt of anger, Danny attempted to focus on the call._

"_Mr Williams?"_

_Mr?_

"_Yes, that's me."_

"_You're listed as next of kin for Lt Commander Steven J McGarrett."_

_The world stopped along with his forward momentum. Grace turned, suddenly aware her father had stopped following. She cocked her head to the side, curiosity mixed with panic as she tried to read the expression that had fallen across his face._

"_Yeah?" He whispered._

"_There's been an incident. Lt Commander McGarrett has been injured in the field. Once he's healed enough we'll be transporting him back home to Hawaii."_

_Danny had yet to move, yet to breathe. His focus was somewhere in the distance, across an ocean and a continent. Somewhere so far away he couldn't reach._

"_Mr Williams? Are you there?"_

"_Danno?" Gracie's voice brought him back to the present, to reality._

"_Yes, I'm still here. What are the extent of Steve's injuries?"_

"_I'm afraid I can't tell you that, Sir."_

"_It's classified?"_

"_Yes, Sir." At least the voice had the sense to sound apologetic as it withheld information from him._

"_Is there anything you can tell me?" Danny put his arm around Grace as she came to stand in support by her father. His heart swelled for the little girl. She may not understand a lot that went on in the adult world, but she always knew when to be his rock._

"_I'm sorry, Sir. All I can tell you is that he's been injured and once transferred back to the base in Texas, will be back home with you in Hawaii hopefully in a week's time."_

"_Can I talk to him?"_

"_I'm afraid not, Sir."_

"_So all you can tell me is that he's injured? That's it? Nothing else?" Danny's voice rose in volume. Grace held her father tight, trying to still the tidal wave of anger and frustration she could feel building within him. Danny felt the hug deep within his soul and stilled his emotions for his daughter's sake. "Is there anything, anything at all you can tell me?"_

"_He's alive, Sir. That much I can confirm."_

"The Navy sucks. You know that right?"

Steve jumped as Danny's voice broke the silence in the car. He took a breath as the movement sent splinters of pain shooting through his still healing body.

"Ok." He answered carefully. He was having a hard time reading Danny. Whether it was the painkillers he'd taken on the flight, the fact he hadn't slept properly for almost a month or the fact his friend seemed to be having a hard time processing everything, he couldn't be sure. He suspected all the above.

"Seriously. The Navy sucks. They call me up, say you've been injured. Offer no explanation or details and expect me to wait patiently for a week without any news. A week, Steve. Do you know how hard that was? On all of us? Unbelievable. And you, you come back and act like you're fine. You're not you know. I can tell, doesn't take a friggin mind reader to see you're banged to hell and beyond. I called. I called them daily and they couldn't tell me anything. What the hell kind of mission were you sent on?"

Danny's face had gone a strong shade of purple, his hands gripped the wheel as if it were his life line. Steve waited patiently for his friend to vent. He wanted so badly to tell him everything. To share his burden and lighten the load. Silence the screams within his head by saying the words out loud. To take away the nightmare scenarios that Danny had been wrestling with for seven long days. But he couldn't. His duty prevented him. For once he agreed with Danny. The Navy sucked.

"You know I can't…."

"Tell me. I know. It's classified." Danny waved his hand in the air. "Don't worry about it. I'm just glad you're home." He looked at Steve and smiled. The smile was genuine and full of relief. The look spoke a thousand words.

"Danny, I'm sorry you were put through all that worry."

"Seriously? You're apologising?"

Steve was at a loss as to what to say. He couldn't take away the horror of the past week, just as Danny couldn't take away the horror of the past month. It was what it was. He just needed some time to bury it deep where it would never find it's way out to haunt him.

"I don't know what to say." He admitted.

Danny pulled the car over and came to a stop outside the pizza place. He switched off the engine. His hands kept their grip on the wheel. He hung his head and exhaled.

"Just tell me you're ok."

"I am. I'm home."

"Ok then." Danny shook his head. His mood seemed lighter than before, but only marginally. He tried to raise his spirits for Steve's sake. The man didn't need to bear his anger at the system. He needed friendship, stability and light heartedness. Whatever he'd been through haunted his eyes. Danny glanced over, the agony that swam within the dark blue depths gripped his heart and squeezed. Steve smiled, sad but honest. Glad to be home. Danny smiled back.

"What kind of pizza you want?"

"Seeing as I've not had pizza for over a month , and seeing how it is kinda my welcoming home party."

"Don't say it."

"Pineapple."

"You had to say it."

Steve shrugged and tried to look innocent. The banter helped centre them both.

"Your's can have fruit, I'll have me a manly pizza."

Danny climbed from the car to go order. Steve slumped further in his seat. The quiet that fell over him pulled him down beneath the water and held him at the bottom of the black sea. He tried to take a breath, found himself drowning. He fought, hard and with purpose. Danny couldn't see him like this. The man was worried enough. He needed to be Super SEAL again. He needed to be strong again.

He needed to hide the broken pieces until he found a way to put them back together again.

If he ever could find a way.

TBC

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><p><em>Broken Steve vs Hurt Steve? I'll take both thank you.<em>


	3. Chapter 3

You guys are seriously the best in the world! Thank you so much for all your reviews! And to those that read only, thank you so much for taking the time.

And enough from me...on with them...

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><p>Danny followed Steve into his house, he pushed past, laying the beers and pizza on the study table and turned. Steve had yet to follow.<p>

"You're home." Danny said, as he emphasised his point by spreading his arms.

Steve nodded slowly. He felt surreal, stuck in a dream waiting for the nightmare to come out from hiding and beat him to death. He felt wrong. All the time away he'd dreamt of this moment. Through all the horrors, he'd held on to memories of the house, of feeling safe. Within the terror of battle his heart hung onto the strength of home, the feeling of being totally at peace, completely in the right place and untouchable. Now that he stood inside his sanctuary, those feelings were elusive. He should feel better now. Right? He should feel like he could let go of his burdens and truly relax. Instead he stood, shoulders hunched in a painful position, back tense and his mind racing. All the nightmares he'd used his house to escape from had followed him here. The only reprieve from the screams inside was the silence within tearing him apart with its violent reverberations.

He felt Danny's hand on his arm, guiding him into the house. Toward the table. Steve pulled his arm back, suddenly unable to breathe. He should feel free here, not be so aware of the walls caving in around him as he drowned in the memories.

Danny let go as Steve pulled away. He stood back, careful, waiting for the caged animal to decide which was the best escape route. To decide which was the place they felt the safest.

Steve looked out at the ocean and within a second had made his choice. He bolted out the back doors and limped as fast as his battered body would allow him. Out toward the sea, with its soft lullaby and vast expanse of hope.

Danny followed behind, giving Steve his space but watching his movements carefully. He knew about post traumatic stress. He knew that there was an incident that had caused his friend to come back so haunted. What he needed to do was get him to open up. Classified or not, Danny was going to make Steve talk. No way would he allow him to carry whatever haunted him so much, not alone.

Steve stood at the waters edge, his eyes closed. The sea breeze helped chase away some of the cobwebs. Now he could believe he was truly home. For a few seconds the feeling overwhelmed him. He remembered the smells of the house, the feeling, the gentle creeks and groans of the wood that were special to him and him alone. He remembered it all. One deep breath was his undoing. The smell should have been the sea, the sand. Hawaii in all its glory. Instead it was burning, clothes, plastic, skin. He gagged, fell forward and tried to reach out with his good arm for anything to steady his fall. Strong hands held him tight. One hand under his arm, the other supporting his back as he threw up. He felt as though he were expelling every memory, buried shallow and finally crawling its way up to freedom. The places he'd tried to hide the images, smells and sounds suddenly gave their positions away as it all hit him with one horrific blow. He was injured, tired, still in shock from the events that brought him to this moment in time. The combination threatened to tear him apart. He focused Danny's hands. The strong, silent support helped ground the former SEAL. Once the dry heaves had subsided, Danny began rubbing smalls circles on Steve's back, reassuring him he was ok. Telling him throwing up was a good thing, now he didn't have to eat pizza with pineapple. Danny's gentle words followed his trail of thought. As random as it was, it was blessed relief from the screaming in his head.

"See, it's probably the thought of pineapple on the pizza that did this. And don't try to tell me you've never thrown up from that pizza before. I know better. I know you have. Better men than you have died trying to eat that concoction. They just keep it a secret."

"Who?" Asked Steve hoarsely.

"The pineapple growers. Who else?"

Steve had to laugh, the sound broken but natural.

"You ok?"

"Yeah. Sorry."

"Don't be an idiot. You don't have to apologise. Sit down and I'll go get you some water."

Steve nodded as he sat gingerly in one of the two deck chairs that always sat facing the ocean. He closed his eyes again. For a week now those memories had assaulted his sleep. Every night. But now they were attacking him during the day? He didn't want to be one of those guys who never recovered from the hell they'd seen. He wasn't going to end up like that, forever afraid to close his eyes. He was haunted, had been before he'd set foot in the Navy. He'd accepted that a long time ago. But traumatised? Forced to be medicated just to get through the day? No way. That was one of his fears, he'd seen friends go that route and that just wasn't going to happen to him. Even it meant breaking one of the highest rules in the Navy.

Telling Danny.

He knew he could trust him. That wasn't the issue. As stupid as it sounded, the issue was that he'd made a promise, taken an oath. It was ridiculous that he would take that so seriously but he was a McGarrett. Honourable by nature.

_Maybe this is the one exception._

His father's voice echoed in the silence of the twilight.

Danny walked slowly back to the beach, carrying a bottle of water under one arm, pizza box in one hand, a sixer of beers in the other hand, and under that arm was his secret weapon. Whenever guys needed to talk, really talk, they had to get past the wall first. Whiskey was always a good hand up and over.

"Here." The Detective said as he handed Steve the water. The Lt Commander eyed the other items Danny was carrying.

"Whiskey?"

"You telling me you don't need it?"

"I'm on pain meds Danny."

"Excuses, excuses. When was the last time you took them?"

"When I got on the plane."

"So you're overdue anyway. Might as well have the gold instead of the silver my friend. Now sit tight while I go get some glasses."

"I'm so glad you said that."

"Why?"

"I was terrified to ask where you were carrying those too."

Danny smiled. There were glimpses of his friend. They were close enough to the surface that he was sure one night of the Williams family tried and tested version of therapy and Steve would be well on his way back toward the surface.

He routed through the kitchen, finding the glasses he was searching for. The pizza lay discarded on the table so he grabbed that too. Steve didn't look like he'd been eating well, and maybe after a few drinks Danny could coax him to eat some pizza.

Even if it did have pineapple in it.

As Danny grabbed the pizza box he noticed an envelope on the table. He paused. Put down the pizza and picked up the letter. His name was written clearly on the front. He'd hated that Steve had told him where to find it if he needed to. Hated that his friend had prepared to leave like he'd never be coming back.

'_Look, there's a letter on my father's desk. If anything happens.'_

'_Nothing is gonna happen.'_

'_If anything does happen, you need to read it.'_

'_Steve.'_

'_Danno, please.'_

'_Ok'_

Danny sighed. That night seemed like a million moons ago. But there it was, the letter he'd hated from the first time he'd seen it. The last time he'd seen Steve. The envelope was open, having been opened by Danny on the night that duty had taken his friend to a war thousands of miles away. He opened it again, the pages ruffled and creased. The crumpled piece of paper held only a few sentences inside.

_Danno,_

_If you're reading this then I guess my time was up. I've served my country, so don't feel sad. I need you to carry on the investigation into my Father's death. There's no one I'd trust more to find the answers. The house has been left to Mary. Please tell her how much I love her. Give her a hand selling this place. The contents I leave to you. There's enough inside to make a fair bit of money that can go toward a college fund for Grace. _

_You've been a great friend, Danno._

_Steve._

"_Steve, do not give me that thing."_

"_Danny, please, its just a letter with a few instructions."_

"_No, man. I know what that is. And the fact I can only open it if you get killed makes me never want to touch the damn thing."_

TBC.

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><p><em>Poor Danny, i feel like i'm being as cruel to him as i am to Steve. But its oh so much fun!<em>


	4. Chapter 4

Wow, I am so seriously lucky that you all read my little stories. I so don't deserve the amazing readers i have, but i'm keeping you all. You ain't getting away! If you try to run I'll hunt you down and find you!

Kyla, i couldn't reply to you direct but please know your kind words blew me away! Thank you so much!

Enough from the over emotional gushing me, and on with them...

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><p><em>One Month Ago<em>

Steve stood at the airport waiting patiently for the call that would take him hundreds of miles from Hawaii to the base in Texas. He didn't know where he would be sent after that. He had an idea though.

He hung his head to steady his breathing as his heart raced. He'd gotten too used to being back in Hawaii. Too settled in his role. Too used to having Danny by his side. He'd broken a rule he'd made a lifetime ago.

Don't become reliant on anyone but yourself.

Life has a way of taking rules, crumpling them up into little balls and hurling them over the edge.

The SEAL made his way to the furthest corner of the departure area where it was secluded and quiet. He watched as business men walked around talking on their cells. Each conversation melting into the next. Families running around trying to keep the kids in check. Their excitement boiling over into a cacophony of chaos.

Steve ran his hand over his face. He had a duty to perform, an oath he made needed to be followed through, yet he didn't want to go. He now had something to stay home for. A job he cared about, a difference to be made that mattered to the heart of the land he grew up in. If his father could see him he knew he would be so proud. He had an investigation to pursue. A debt to be settled. He had meaning and purpose. He had friends. No, scratch that, he had family. Family that needed him and who he needed. And once again he was leaving. Different family but similar circumstance. Your country needs you, it calls; you go.

He'd left Danny the keys to the house and truck. The Detective had barely been able to look him in the eye as he'd handed him the letter he'd written. The shock of being next of kin had brought home to Danny the truth that Steve had known since the first moment he'd enlisted.

_I may not make it home._

The jersey native had stormed out of the house, leaving the letter on the desk. Refusing to admit the reality that couldn't be ignored.

Steve sighed as he gazed out toward the runway. He was to take a civilian trip to Texas, but a Navy ride to god knew where.

When had it all changed? When had it been that he had become more loyal to serving the community than his country? Or was it just as simple as he now had roots, ties to the island that pulled him back hard and tried to stop him from leaving.

Was it all just too much?

His Dad, Victor Hesse, Mary's kidnapping. It was all just too much. And now he was being taken away from where he needed to be. He smiled as he realised why he was so torn when he'd never been before.

Now it was personal. He knew what he wanted. Knew where he wanted to be. He'd never felt that before. Always gone wherever was asked of him. Had no place to call home, no place he felt he belonged.

Typical, you realise what it is you've been looking for all along is right in front of your face, right at the point that you're leaving.

"Well, ain't you one miserable looking lean, mean killing machine."

Steve jumped as Danny stood in front of him.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

Danny regarded his friend for a few seconds, then sat across from him in one of what he was sure was the most uncomfortable plastic chair known to man kind. He shifted, trying to find a place to sit that would be happy for his posterior and not leaving him walking like an old man afterward.

Steve waited patiently as Danny fidgeted. He waited very patiently. For two minutes.

"Danno!"

"What? Why are you shouting?"

"What are you doing? And what are you doing here?"

"Firstly," Danny held up one finger. His middle finger.

"Cute." Noted Steve.

"I'm trying to get comfortable so I can talk to you, but apparently that ain't gonna happen. Secondly," He held up the other middle finger. "I couldn't let you go without saying goodbye."

Steve's frown melted into a smile then vanished just as quickly. As much as he appreciated the gesture, this just made it all the more difficult to leave.

"Danny, I need you to hold on to that letter, just in case. Please. I'm not changing my mind on that."

"That's not what I'm here for. And as much as I hate that you picked me, I also understand, and I'm honoured."

"Honoured?"

Danny smiled affectionately at the tall idiot sat in front of him. "I admit, took me a while to get my head around why me, but I get it. I still don't like it though."

"I'm sure you don't" Laughed Steve.

"So how long till your flight is called?"

"Should be in a few minutes. It's charter, gotta walk to the plane."

"You mean the Navy won't pay for the plane to be brought to you? And to fly first class? Where the hell are my tax dollars going, man?"

"Straight into the pockets of the rich my friend."

"Ain't that the truth."

Danny stared at Steve a while. The SEAL shifted uncomfortably in his seat, in the end he snapped.

"What?"

"What what?"

"What are you staring at?"

"You're uncomfortable, admit it, these chairs are shit."

"Danno?"

Danny looked down at his hands, he knew what he wanted to do, but was afraid the gesture would be the last he'd make to his friend. He was avoiding the goodbye. He knew it, he just couldn't seem to bring himself to actually go through with what he'd driven to the damn airport to do.

Steve looked up as the announcement came across the PA for his plane.

"Guess that's me."

"I'll walk you down."

"Danno,"

"Shut up, I'm walking you to the plane."

The two stood and walked in silence. Each step heavier than the last, each man lost in thoughts. Too many words to say in too short a time. The silence stretched between them. Both screamed inside but no sound reached the other's ears. The two minute walk seemed to take two hours. Like a dead man walking toward his final resting place.

Steve stopped, the plane sat ominously a few feet away. The door open like the jaws of a shark waiting for its prey to swim straight in.

"I'll see you soon." He turned, made to walk away but stopped as a strong arm grabbed his bicep.

"Here." Danny took Steve's hand and dropped a small medallion into his palm.

Steve turned the small piece of silver over. The moment robbed him of his voice, stole his air and cemented him to the spot. The emblem was one known to all who took the oath.

The patron saint of law enforcement.

"I want you to have it." Said Danny as he cleared his throat. He tore his eyes from Steve's palm and focused his blue gaze with full force at his friend. Steve looked back. He held the intensity for what seemed an eternity.

"Danno, I can't."

"Yes you can. Take it, it'll keep you safe. I want it back when you return though. Please, take it, Steve."

"No, I really can't. I'm coming back. You have to understand that. Not to give some good luck charm back to you, but coming back cos this is my home. You're family. I'm not leaving that behind. Its what I have to hold onto through whatever the hell is going to come next. That's what will keep me safe."

Steve placed the medallion back in Danny's palm.

"It means a hell of a lot to me that you came here to give me that."

"It'll mean a hell of a lot more to me that you make it back in one piece."

"I promise."

"You'd better."

The two regarded each other for a few minutes more, each making a silent promise to the other. Steve nodded, Danny returned the gesture.

The walk from the tarmac to the stairs, up each step and into the plane was the hardest Steve had ever had to make in his life. Coming home had been traumatic enough thanks to Victor Hesse, but leaving? He hoped that once he returned, if he returned, he'd never have to know that pain again.

TBC.

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><p><em>The scene you didn't see at the end of that is a fangirl who snuck onto the tarmac tackling Steve to the ground, holding on for dear life and never letting go.<em>

_But its wrong for the writer to put herself in a fic._


	5. Chapter 5

I can't express to you all how much your kind words, and the fact you take the time to read this little fic, all mean to me. You guys seriously rock. You're the best peaple ever, every single one of you. Love you all!

Once again i have to give a huge debt of thanks to Zhalenn for an absolutely incredible idea, the little nuances and airport leaving scene wouldn't have been even half as emotional had it not been for her ideas. Thank you so much x

We're here at the end, so i'll shut up and let ya'll find out what really happened...

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><p>Sitting out on the deck chairs on the beach at the McGarrett home, feet in the sand and a breeze in their hair. The sun had long since disappeared to the other side of the ocean, bathing some foreign land in light. It had taken a bottle of whiskey and an obscene amount of beer before the cracks showed signs of splintering. Danny had a feeling that Steve McGarrett didn't get drunk for just this reason, so he used it as his leverage to open the doors and have a peak inside. For every drink Danny had, he made sure Steve had two.<p>

At first the Lt Commander was suspicious, he knew the Detective was trying to get him to open up through alcohol, he'd tried to drink slower but his heart needed to share his horror, so in the end he acquiesced to the unspoken plea and downed the whiskey without a second thought.

They talked for hours. At first they discussed old cases, interesting stories, their 5-0 family and eventually, somewhere around 4am, Danny steered the conversation toward that night, so many weeks ago, when Steve was ordered away.

"I stood for ages on that runway."

Steve looked up, shocked. "Why?"

"I guess I thought it was all a big joke, and that the plane would turn back around and you'd hop out with a shit-eating-grin on your face like you're the funniest guy on the planet."

"How long until you realised that wasn't gonna happen?"

"An hour."

Steve almost choked on his beer. "You stood there an hour? Danno, man that's not normal, that's chick flick."

"Excuse me? Chick flick? Let me tell you something my friend, Danny Williams is NO chick flick guy. Ok!"

"I'm just saying, an hour is a long time. Bet if you told Rachel or Grace , even Kono for that matter, they'd all sigh and say Ahh."

"I'm not even going to rise to your bait."

"You are, you always will and you always do."

"Whatever, man. You drunk enough to tell me what happened yet?" Leave it to Danny to be subtle until he was blunt.

"I can't." Steve dropped his head and averted his eyes. He so wanted to tell someone. He needed to know it wasn't his fault, or have confirmation that he had every reason to feel the way he did. That it was him that sentenced so many to death.

But rules were rules.

Even if they were becoming fuzzy through whiskey and beer and his need to share. Even if the lack of sleep was causing his mind to relive that nightmare day over and over. He wanted, no, he needed to tell someone. Scratch that, it wasn't anyone he needed to tell. It was Danny.

"I was sent in with a Ranger Unit. Me and two other SEALS. We were to lead the way to a village and keep it safe. One of the villagers had given the location of an arms cache and my CO was worried that would mean retaliation by the rebels. We got there, it went bad. I only just made it out."

Danny stayed quiet, reading McGarrett like a book. He didn't have to wait long before the Lt Commander took a breath, the struggle to continue his story obvious.

Steve looked over at Danny, his eyes blurred by alcohol and the emotion that had found a way to the surface . Danny held his gaze. His eyes held no judgement, no fear. Only compassion and concern for a friend in need. They were Steve's undoing.

His mind shouted NO while his heart poured forth the words through his lips.

"I had to call a fire mission. We were trapped, the only thing standing between the enemy and the village. They were gonna get through us, make it to the village and kill everyone there. Everyone. Danny, there was an orphanage in that village."

Danny held his breath, barely daring to blink for fear that he'd break the spell and Steve would stop talking, cease to unburden his load and sink further away into the dark abyss.

After a few minutes Steve continued, his voice barely a whisper.

"We had no choice, had too many wounded to leave them behind and too few to put up any sort of defence. All I could do was call for an air strike. I gave them our co-ordinates. There was a kid, no more than twenty, he tried to grab for the radio. He kept screaming 'That's where we are, man!'. I couldn't explain it to him but you could tell the unit was divided between those who knew what had to be done, and those who were too rookie to realise. We waited, hunkered down and let the enemy get close. When they got too close we fired a couple of rounds, nothing too heavy, but enough to keep them advancing slowly without forcing them to pull back. That was the longest ten minutes of my life. It wasn't me I was worried about. It was the rest of the unit. They were so young, you know?"

Danny didn't, he couldn't even bring himself to imagine. But he nodded anyway.

"When we heard the planes approaching I called everyone together and told them as soon as they heard them overhead to make a break and run for it. Everyone go in different directions and hopefully some of them would survive. The looks in their eyes, especially that one kid, pure fear. I could see he hated me for calling the fire mission, but there was nothing else I could do. At that point we were dead either way." Steve swiped angrily at a rebel tear that broke free and ran down his face. "I've been in some bad situations, but that, that was something else."

Steve fell silent, lost to his memories. Danny leaned forward, a hand on his friend's knee.

"How many survived?"

"Three of us made it to the base in Texas. Two of us walked out." Steve took a breath before he continued. "I managed to drag one of the wounded guys, Jamie Sheppard, with me. We made it about ten foot before we were knocked off our feet by an explosion. The enemy were practically on top of us when the first bomb hit. I don't know how many they dropped. I just know it was chaos. You couldn't tell up from down. Next thing I knew I was in a hospital. Jamie was in the bed next to me, barely recognisable. He made it back to the Army hospital in Texas before he died. Made it back all that way and then his body just gave up."

"You saved the village."

"Yeah." Steve refused to look up, to look into Danny's eyes.

"Steve. Look at me."

The former SEAL shook his head, Danny persisted, eventually reaching over and grasping Steve's shoulder with such intensity that the man had no choice but to look into his eyes.

"You saved the village."

Steve nodded. Swallowed. Tried to look down and away but found Danny's hold unwavering.

He looked deep into the Detective's eyes as the tears finally found their release.

"It was my fault they died, Danny."

"No Steve, it wasn't. It was a shit situation in the middle of a no win fight in a country you were sent to on orders. You did what you had to do. You did it well. You saved all those people. I'm sorry about your friends, but I'm not gonna say I'm not happy and relieved that you made it out. You made it home, Steve. You did what I asked."

"You said you'd hunt me down and kill me if I didn't." Smiled Steve through his silent tears. "You know, that kid, Jamie, his parents came to see me. I didn't want to see them but they came walking right up to the hospital bed."

"What did they say?"

"They wanted to thank me."

"For what?" Asked Danny, already knowing the answer.

"For saving their son. I didn't save him though."

"You did, Steve. You saved him and brought him back stateside. He died on his own soil. Not in some hell hole in the middle of a desert. That means something. Especially to a parent."

Danny watched as the tears fell onto Steve's shirt. He realised this was as close as his friend had ever come to sharing emotion. There was so much more to let go, a cascade of water behind a levee of strength. Danny knew that the levee wouldn't break. Steve wouldn't allow it. But if he needed to get the SEAL blind, stinking, emotionally compromised, drunk every now and then to help keep the water at a safe level, then so be it.

Steve took a deep breath and wiped the tears away. Danny watched as the walls went back up and Steve levelled a smile his way.

"Thanks, Danno."

"Don't mention it."

"I mean it though. I don't think...I couldn't tell..."

"I know. It's ok. And don't worry, I won't tell a soul."

"Better not." Steve said through a genuine smile, the first Danny had seen since his friend had been pulled away from him. "If you do I'll have to..."

"Yeah , yeah, yeah." Danny dismissed him with a wave of his hand. "You'll kill me, blah blah blah."

"Well, actually no. That wasn't what I was gonna say."

"Oh really?"

"What I was gonna say, before I was rudely interrupted, was that if you breathe a word of this to anyone, I'll tell the world how you stood on the tarmac , for an hour, watching me go."

"Oh super SEAL, I highly doubt you will."

"Oh yeah Deputy Dawg? What makes you so sure?"

"Because, my friend, it'll make you sound just as gay as you're trying to make me sound."

Steve frowned, played the sketch out in his mind, concluded that Danny was right, and threw his leftover pineapple pizza at the Detective.

Danny threw the offending dough back. Both men laughing with ease, without any encumbering weight keeping them from feeling the levity. They fell into a comfortable silence, each with a beer in hand, watching the waves as they lapped up against the sand. Just beyond the horizon the sun began to show through the mist, tipping its hat to the impending new day.

Danny felt the first hint of sun on his face and realised it was well past his bedtime. He glanced over at Steve, who's eyes were fighting a losing battle against sleep.

"Come on Superman. Time we caught some sleep."

"Nah, too far." Slurred Steve.

Danny laughed as he stood, offering his hand to the injured man. Steve sighed and took the hand, finding the world spinning as he stood,

"Whoa, when did the beach start to slope?" He looked around, genuinely baffled as the alcohol rushed to his head along with the blood in a gravity crushing head rush.

Danny threw Steve's arm over his shoulder and looped his fingers through the drunk man's belt.

"Danno?"

"Yes, Steve?"

"Why don't you seem as drunk as me?"

"I don't know what you mean, Steven."

"You're mean."

"You're drunk."

"Not."

"Good come back, Steven."

"Thanks, Danno. I mean, for everything."

Danny manoeuvred the drunk SEAL into the house and onto the couch. Steve mumbled another thank you as he rested his head against the back of the couch. The lines of tension around his eyes had eased, the set of his jaw relaxed. The impending hangover he'd suffer with was worth the pain as far as Danny was concerned.

Steve lifted his head off the couch, ignoring the drunk voice inside that noted the headache that was beginning would only build into an epic migraine he'd blame Danno for. His eyes found his friend, standing protectively by. They locked and held on, both men silent, their communication telepathic. With almost synchronised precision both relaxed their postures. Without words they allowed the silence to speak for them. For all the unburdening that had occurred over the past few hours Steve knew that Danny had heard more than he'd spoken, had seen more than the former SEAL had wished to share. It was this reason that there had been no choice as to who he had to share his horrors with. He knew, for every one word he'd speak out loud, Danny would hear the sentence kept silent behind it.

Danny nodded and smiled. Steve returned the nod, his eyes finally winning the battle as his head slowly fell back against the couch again. Danny watched and waited, as Steve's breathing evened out he walked forward and lifted the injured man's legs up onto the couch, repositioning his sleeping friend. He took a moment, relieved that the lines of pain seemed less pronounced than they had a few hours ago. Danny watched the gentle rise and fall of Steve's chest. Each inhale reassuring the detective that his friend was still here. He had made it back, relatively, in one piece.

No matter the horrors and the trauma hidden within his heart, regardless of the turmoil and confusion that sometimes bled through his gaze, There was a bond borne through the trust and honour of both men, Danny knew his friend would be fine. The time they'd shared on the beach only reaffirmed the truth in the trust they placed in each other.

The house fell quiet, even the gentle lapping of the ocean hushed as Steve slept on. Healing through his slumber, relieved of his burden and safe in the company of the man he considered a brother. Steve allowed himself the escape of sleep, knowing that while Danny was here he could let his guard completely down .

Danny settled himself into the arm chair, which proved to be more comfortable a place to sleep than its appearance suggested, he settled himself down, very aware that watching a plane leave for an hour was no where near as ahh as watching a friend sleep peacefully for the first time in god knew how long. But he didn't care. His eyes felt heavy but no longer weighed down by the worry of waiting for the unknown . He had his answers. Even the unspoken questions now felt complete.

Talking is sometimes just not enough. The pauses. The quiet. The time that allows our hearts and minds to realise the truth and acknowledge its power. The silence between the spaces can speak clearer and louder than any words ever can if we allow them a voice, give them a stage and sit back to let them sing.

Trusting in the silence helps fill the spaces in the void. The piece to the puzzle that makes the whole picture complete.

Fin.

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><p><em>Well that's it folks, i'd love to hear what you thought. And once again, thank you all so much. <em>

_See you at the next fic..._


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